Actor Ashton Kutcher has been making news lately because of a Facebook post calling out restaurants for not putting baby changing stations in their men’s rooms. The comment has renewed a valuable debate about Dads’ parenting time and what it looks like to be a father.
Ashton Kutcher’s Post
Ashton Kutcher’s Facebook post about why there aren’t changing stations in men’s rooms has gone viral. Reaching as far as ABC News, the tweet has brought to the fore questions of the father’s role as a parent:
There are NEVER diaper changing stations in mens public restrooms. The first public men’s room that I go into that has one gets a free shout out on my FB page! #bethechange
A survey of local men, some of which are fathers, says that the Kutcher’s observation holds true in the Metro Detroit area as well. While large-scale retail institutions like Target, Meijer, and the local malls have either men’s room changing tables or a unisex “family” restroom, changing stations are missing from many of the local restaurants and bars. In the Ladies’ rooms, most every handicap stall is equipped with one.
What Does It Mean For Dads?
The fact that there is a difference says something about how we, as a society, views parenthood. It’s symbolic of the difference between our assumptions (whether true or not) about mothers’ and fathers’ roles as parents. For mothers, parenting is about dealing with the messy stuff: feeding, burping, and changing dirty diapers. It has to do with the day-to-day mundane chores involved in child rearing.
When we think of fatherhood though, we think of the big picture and special events. Fathers are breadwinners. They are the ones who make the big decisions about whether a family can afford college or braces. They are also the ones who take kids to ball games and fun activities. But nothing messy – that’s just for moms.
But What About Single Fathers?
Ashton Kutcher is not a single parent. He recently told talk show host Ellen Degeneres that his fiance, Mila Kunis, is “the greatest mom.” But by publicly acknowledging the need to accommodate dads engaged in the day-to-day needs of their children, he has become something of a champion for single parents everywhere. Since fathers have the same legal right to custody as mothers in divorce and custody actions, single fathers are being awarded sole physical custody every day across the state. Even those without custody usually have parenting time, whether on weekends or in an alternating pattern. While the children are with them, fathers fill the traditional roles of both mom and dad – even the messy parts.
That’s why Ashton Kutcher’s post is so important. We as a society need to better understand the role of the custodial father. Restaurant owners and society as a whole need to give fathers the same accommodations and considerations as mothers. As society shifts, so will the assumption that moms are automatically the best ones to take care of the children.
Lisa J. Schmidt is a family lawyer at Schmidt Law Services, PLLC, in Ferndale, Michigan. She helps single parents and divorcing couples work out custody and parenting time schedules that work with their busy schedules. If you or someone you know has a custody problem, contact Schmidt Law Services today for a consultation.
Image Source: NEW YORK, NY – MAY 24: Ashton Kutcher attends TechCrunch Disrupt New York May 2011 at Pier 94 on May 24, 2011 in New York City. (Photo by Joe Corrigan/Getty Images for AOL)
